A New Christmas Time

On this very white Christmas Day,

I would like to take time to say

Some things about this time of year.

Wishing ‘specially for those to be near,

That make me feel special in ev’ry way.

Christ should be celebrated for he came

To call us, each one, by name,

And bring to all a kind of cheer

That unites us all from there to here,

In a way which should bring Him great fame.

We must remember that He is the reason

For which we celebrate this season.

Blocking out all the distractions:

All the commercial and worldly action.

Recalling instead peace joy and hoping.

Of all these and His virgin birth fortold

By each of the prophets of old.

So my friend, welcome Him to your home

And be not afraid of change that comes.

For it may make you brave, strong, and bold.

During the holiday celebrations,

Always including, without hesitations,

Mention of Jesus, Joseph and Mary,

The shepherds and angels, and all the story

That glorifies the King of all Creation.

So when with family and friends,

Please take some time to spend

This Christmas season and pause—

Forgetting the gifts from Santa Claus—

Telling the Story of Jesus from beginning to end

Show to the world, that is lost,

A message of Christ from birth to the Cross:

Singing Carols, helping others, and giving your all

To bring joy to others—going beyond the call.

Be an example no matter the cost.

Have a Merry Christmas and a wondrous

New Year which you embrace marvelous

Goals in your heart, soul, and mind.

Becoming more peaceful and kind;

Acting out Jesus’ Love and living the miraculous.

You Are My Guests

I was asked to ghost-write for this blog (http://payitforwardshipu.blogspot.com/ ) about three weeks ago, and as inspired as I was, I could not write something that made sense, or that could accurately convey my thoughts.  Yet as I continue to play this scene in my mind, I am convinced that I must share an analysis of it.

 

 

 

Watch this clip; in it you will see how we as Americans should be ashamed of how we do not help others in need.  If you have never seen The Amazing Race, understand that it is a game show type program that pits teams to two against each other in a “race around the world.”  During the race the last teams to arrive at checkpoints are eliminated and teams must complete tasks that require money to get there (i.e. plane tickets, taxi rides, purchasing food etc.). They are all given money per each leg to spend as best they can.

 

Prior to this scene (you can watch the episode to discover this), two teams conspire to steal money to give these two men a disadvantage.  While I am not justifying their strategy, it was brilliantly contrived to “get ahead” and would have probably knocked these men out of the race, if the people on the streets of Bangladesh would not have helped them.  Notice how they help, they are not coerced, they are not reluctant, they just ask if the men need help. Not only that but one man said this (which has stuck with me since the episode aired), as they were thanking him:  “No, problem, No problem…This is my country and you are my guests.”  This action should not surprise us, but somehow it does.  Maybe this will change our opinions of those who are not like us.  As the taxi driver put it, “Bangladesh, good not bad.”

 

What if we acted like this man from Bangladesh and treated strangers, as our guests?  What if we were motivated by seeing a need and just doing something about it because we see the need?  Guests are those to whom we extend hospitality, kindness, and often part of our wealth.  However, we as Americans usually extend hospitality only to those who can be generous to us in return; not to those who cannot.  We must change this idealism and defenestrate it.  Let us instead be as the gentleman from Bangladesh and make the world a better place by paying it forward.  My suggestion would be to read the suggestions listed on that blog, pick someone, and do whatever deed(s) from the list that will make them feel like an honored guest.  Perhaps there reaction will be like that of the racers:  pure, simple gratitude.

Challenge Accepted? (to be better)

So over a month ago I posted a challenge.  It was not just for the readers of this blog. or those who heard the sermon, but it was also meant to be a personal challenge.  I took it as such, at least at first...


Since then I have admittedly tried to do it if all of my life and was successful for a week or so.  However due to the fact that I did not have musch self-discipline, I was not as successful as I wanted to be.  I have applied this challenge more to the broad occurances in my life (my job, my loans, and the rest).  God has been faithful in that getting me an unlikely full-time job, finding appartment furnature under resale, and reducing my loans (pending documentation).  He provided as I asked "What Would Jesus Do?", yet what I have not done is applied the question to or accepted the challenge for myself or my personal (spiritual) side.  This is the core of the problem:  I have not been exhibiting Ferocious Fearlessness.


This is the only way the challenge will work:  Pray, Go to church, Read God's Word, Obey God's Word, and Witness to others.  I remember this from my days as a Summer Missionary with CEF.  I just have not fully put it into practice.  I need to be more fearless in showing my faith, more fearless in living my life for Him no matter what is said of me, and I must fully rely on God. I still have things to confess, things to give to Him, and things to give up (especially from the past).  I thought I had given it all up a few months ago, but it continues to haunt me.

I must move forward with the personal challenge, and perhaps if you are having trouble with this challenge...accept that you must change yourself first.  IF you cannot change yourself, no change can come to the World.  We need to have Christ be the Savior of our lives, and the Holy Spirit be the changer...  When we allow this to happen we can successfully complete the challege.

For now I must accept the personal challenge...prayers are needed.  Especially if I must move forward to be successful.

What Would Jesus Do? (A Challenge)

If you were alive in the 1990s you probably remember the bracelets that were popular long before LiveStrong, and no, I am not talking about the snap bracelets either.  What I am talking about is WWJD (or spelled out in the title "What Would Jesus Do?).  This phenomenon and movement in that period was dedicated to the idea of Christians asking themselves that question every day of their lives, in order to reflect the life and attitude of Christ.  At least that is how I would describe it.  Further reading of Wikipedia provides a more succinct description:

The phrase "What would Jesus do?" (often abbreviated to WWJD) became popular in the United States in the 1990s and as a personal motto for adherents of Evangelical Christianity who used the phrase as a reminder of their belief in a moral imperative to act in a manner that would demonstrate the love of Jesus through the actions of the adherents.

 Now if that is not a challenge to the church of today, I am not really sure what is.  However if that statement does not meet a defined challenge, dear reader, then I offer you the challenge that was proposed to me by a guest speaker at my home church earlier this month.  Our former pastor came back to speak and I entitled the sermon "Overcoming Spiritual Aches and Pains:  Growing a Healthy Church and Lifestyle" (by I entitled I mean I was in the sound booth and he didn't have one listed so I gave it a fitting title).

This sermon reflected on how to become a healthy church (and more personally-spiritually).  Surely churches must grow and have people there, but it is NOT the number that matters, rather it is the action of love and following moral imperatives laid out by the life of Jesus.  The challenge was this:  Read the book, What Would Jesus Do?, and find out how it challenges you personally.  Look for ways to find a personal motto to devote your live to following Jesus according to the application of his life to ours, through the empowerment of the Holy Spirit.

I accepted this challenge (and you should too.)  I ordered the book and read it more out of curiosity then true desire to expect change.  But boy, has it changed my attitude toward daily life. (If you have read my blog before (It's Gone) you know that I promised change to God to allow Him to work in me.)  But this helps my steps to move forward, faster...In the book, a challenge is given to the people of the church to live life and make decisions by first (really and truthfully) asking "What Would Jesus Do?" and supporting the decisions with prayer.  They would report weekly on what God did because of the decision and interact with other Christians to encourage them in to continue in the challenge.  This is to apply to major life decisions, minor choices, and even the smallest insignificant detail.  This does not have to just be and individual (person-to God) relationship, but can be a person-to-person, person-to-group (church), and group-to-God. The bonding fellowship of others that are following this pattern helps, but it can be done with the help of the Holy Spirit. 

After reading this book (and sharing it with my sister and aunt) I have been even more challenged to stay on track with my promises to God. My growth has been crazy since the beginning of July, but viewing my life in this manner has challenged my attitude toward following the lifestyle of Jesus and being a  healthy Christian and not just the laid-back kind.  I have begun to adhere to that practice, first through positive thinking and second by asking this question with my decisions.  I should follow the clear picture of Christ and the example that he set for us:  love others, love God, and serve Him in every capacity.  Soon I will be living on my own, and building my own life, (don't ask when) but I know that I want to do these things to become healthy and overcome the pain of not living for God in the way that I should.  Yes, it is my duty to ask this question, but that is for now, for when I am growing again after I have been pruned (John 15:2).  This new growth is being watered and fed through the message from this book and has inspired me onward.

My challenge to you is to read What Would Jesus Do?, or its predecessor, In His Steps, in order to understand the fullness of this challenge listen to the sermon below first and it will help you understand what my mere words could not describe. (If I can attach it..)  Once you read, follow the challenge that was given to the parishioners of the church in the book, you may be surprised at the results.  I know that I have been thus far. I just have to get better at it; that will come as I grow.  (If  you want you can comment with your thoughts and experiences.)

Let's start the movement again, but instead of just wearing it on our wrists, or other apparel, we should actually practice asking the question daily:  "What Would Jesus Do?"

A CONVERSATION WITH GOD!

In time you will reveal no patterns.
I pray that I may be risky for you, God
I want to become Others centered. That I would walk as in a psalm
My lifestyle must be your glory.
Remove images of evil.
My mind needs your stength to care for needs of others.
May we fight the sinful nature with words of God and prayers.
May your will be done daily. May we remind others of you.
May I be what you desire me to be.

Amen

Being the Third (or Fourth) Spiritual Wheel

The meaning of the idiom "the third wheel" has gone through major changes since it was first used as the term "the fifth wheel".  It deals with many diffferent relational and social situations.  To me a third wheel is a generally unncessary item, like an additional break in a passenger vehicle, or a person that just does not belong.  Some will use it only for the awkward situations and not as an overall general term. I must say that I know that it has a very negative connotation in the emotional realm, and I will generally add that it can be used beyond these specific areas.

It has been recently revealed to me, that I have been the "third wheel" in my spiritual relationship with God.  In the same way that the third wheel becomes an inconvenience and gets in the way of progress (whether accidentally or on purpose) I had made sure that I was in control of my spiritual life.  I had the reigns,  and God was not even my co-pilot, sure he was imprortant, but he was not the driving force that compelled me to move forward.  Rather I had decided that it was best for me to be in full control and that whatever I thought to be right would best serve me.

I KNEW what was right for me, or so I thought.  I can run my life, God is just the fire insurance that I need, because the blood of his son cleansed me from all sin. This is far from true because God is on our side, Jesus is rooting for us, and the Holy Spirit is compelling us to better things.  I trust others to help me with my life more that I allowed God to guide me to live to the fullest I can and listen to his councel.  He knows the plans he has for me, and even though I like to "play it safe" and "speed through the boring parts" He will allow things to be put in my way to change my outlook.  Sometimes his speed bumps nudge us in the right direction, and other times the trials we face are life-changing. 

If we are even backseat driving and/or acting as the controller, we are actually a third wheel.  We are preventing progress in our relationship with God, we judge what he is supposed to judge, we don't forgive what is to be forgiven (especially ourselves), and we mess with His plans for our success.  Sure, we may not think that we are doing wrong by avoiding certain situations (and we are commanded to in 1 Thessalonians 5), but if we guard our life so much that we are not obeying God, or obtaining his wisdom through trials (James 5), we are not doing what is right.  And that is WRONG.  He should be glorified in all situations, he made us for that purpose, and if we miss oppurtunites to love others because of how we selfishly guide our lives that is a sin.

Paul tell us that we have been sealed with the Holy Spirit and that he will give us what we need.  We just have to believe that and not doubt.  We have to trust that our time with God is a time to build our relationship and trust in him.  Not just so that we can be with him, but so that we can grow (both stronger and closer to him).  He has to be our "First things First," our "Almighty," and our confidant.  We have to trust that he is leading us through love and faithfulness as I read in Proverbs 16 today (verse 6) and we must accept that he accepts every attempt that we make, even when we feel we have failed, or will fail if we try. Because he has sealed us and separated us for his plan, we should follow his guidance because he will not let us fall.

If we are driving, it seems that God is the inconvenience. It is time to give God the reigns...There is love and forgiveness down his road....a path much more certain as he will provide for us in time of need.  He will make sure we will not go without what we need.  We must not be the third wheel either...controlling our lives is not what we are made for.  Yes, God gave us that free choice...but we should choose to only trust him now.  He will give us the stuff of our dreams far beyond what we can imagine (ask or think).  He wants us to succeed.  We must let Him.  It is time to ride at His breast, by His side, and under His wings.  He is our refuge and strength.  He knows what is best for us...for our yesterdays, todays, and tomorrows.

To what is best and ending the Third-wheel relationship,

Joeyb

It's Gone...I am Free.

Well...

All I can say is that God wanted this week to challenge me.

I am still processing it...but 14 others standing in the gap brought me to my face before God.

For years I let fears, failures, and self get in the way of my loving God.

Deamons of judgment, anger, and personal righteousness controlled my life and left me weak and wanting more.

My loneliness, struggles, and shortcomings made me feel worthless in a negative way...and I transfered that upon others....I tried to force them to be more like the convoluted view of I had of myself. 

My religiousity made me miss the Love of God.  This shift in my life is not just for me, it is for others. I am not doing it because of others...but I want the positives to affect others:  my love, my mercy, my motives, and my peace. (Actually these are the things of God...he has just made them in me)

I have finally allowed God to give me the strength I need, the faith I must have, heart I need for others.  He has provided me worth and given me freedom.

The more time I spent with Him, the more I will know this and the more freedom I will receive.  Then I will see the things the way He desires me to see them.

The more time you spent with someone.....the more you will become like them.

That is what I want. (This is the true newness)

This reflects the title

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3eXCGHwnFfA


I needed this today...I was sent it about two months ago.  It affected me then...but wow...now it really makes sense. 

Admitting is the First Step?

I have HIGH expectations of others.  By that I mean, I expect them to be like me, or at least very similar.  That is mostly because I know that my way is the best, that is what my filter(s) have taught me.  I explained before that I am extremoweely conservative...meaning if there is a change coming, it takes a long time and considerable consideration.  Unfortunately that consideration at times leads me to disregard reality.  I usually dislike the things I disagree with and attack them as wrong.  (for they are not right to me).
I was told many times by one of my close friends that I am judgemental,  this is a fact I often ignored.  I just saw what I did as assessing.  Assessing is properly using judgement to encounter a situation and make yourself aware of all options.  However, judgement is carefully thinking about what you believe is right through the lens of your personal viewpoint. Assessing is valued by truth; Judgement is a value of opinion.

I usually see my opinion as Truth...and not just the "little t", but the "big T" truth:  the ultimate truth.  my truth seemed to be the only truth and the only correct interpertation.  I am very "rule-based" and to me rules are an end to the means, rather than the means to achieve knowledge of what is right.  And yes, while there is an ultimate truth, and I follow it to the best of my ability.  My best will not get me to Heaven or save me.  I must be completely responsible for myself and my actions.  While I should care for my brothers and sisters and warn them of things that might be wrong, I should not attack them for being wrong.  That is Ridiculous.

This is a recent revelation, due to recent events and encounters with a pastor that really didn't agree with me.  Paul says that as brothers we should not allow polemics and disputes to divide us.  This is expecially true when the issue will cause dissention.  Instead we should be united in love, kindness, and compassion(plus the other fruits of the spirit) as some Chritians are less mature and not as strong in their faith.  They have not had the same experiences or been given the same filters of heritage and interpretation.  To me, everyone should have had the same filters as me and understood the world from my "proper view".  I have always had the heart of obedience and blindly followed the laws and traditions of my forefathers...this is a wonderful thing, and allows for the continuation of following God and obeying in the way of Abraham, Issac, and Jacob.  However, if it is carryed to far, if it is ridiculous, then it is not doing God's will.

I am not sure that I am prideful that I always follow the rules, but I do know that I willingly suggest that I am "better" because I do.  I am confident God wants me to obey Him in the way that I am, but I am not responsible for driving others to that same understanding.  Sheep cannot be driven, at least very successfully, and if we try to drive people to God it will work as well as hearding sheep or cats for that matter.  I have been condecending in the past and know that I have hurt others because I tried to control their reactions and maturing through my lens of obedience.  I attempted to show people God through how I lived, but I also showed them how I judged other Chirstians for not knowing my percieved reality of tradition.

Recently my reality is shifting because of my encounter...It was something that I did not expect, but rather it was a cumination of many things.  You know of my past weeks...and my struggles.  Truth is coming to me.  I have realized that I needed to take a step back.  That I needed to view the forest for the trees, that I needed to take a new flight.  I need God to take the control that I have been wanting over others and I want God to have my life.  My emotions, my love, my compassion, my opinions.....everything. But most important of all..I must confess that I was vivacious and too strong in my opinions toward many people that I must say I am sorry to.   (for further thoughts on this visit this link:  http://imperfectsammie.blogspot.com/2012/06/im-sry.html)  I must actually say more that just that I must mean it.  I must be sincere and so to replace the words "I'm sorry" I must say that "I was wrong"....ouch it is hard to even type.  I HATE being wrong...it is the essence of why I often defend myself, it is the main reason I always want people to know what I think about something, it is the motive behind my vehiment attacks on those who are less mature in their faith.  It is the main reason why I hurt people without intending to, it is why I have not shown much compassion and I have not been as productive in sharing the love of God and his Son.  It is why I have tried to drive others and not allow the Holy Spirit to do his work.  I see the path that others should take, and rather than suggesting at the prompting of God, I tend to take my own opinions and shove them in others' faces.  Therefore I owe many people apologies (first starting with my interns, because right now my life affects them the most) because I am certainly beginning to value relationships over my ego.

Most importantly I must re-evaluate my relationship with God....I have not been strong in my quiet time, and I have not made that time of high quality.  I was recently reading a Norton Anthology of Early American Lit (riding the train to Philly) and I came upon this quote. It is from a woman,  Mary Rowlandson,  who was captured by the Indians and was being moved from place to place. She was reflecting on her weariness and faint and came to this realization:

"The next day was the sabbath. I then remembered how careless I had been of God's holy time; how many sabbaths I had lost and misspent, and how evily I had walked in God's sight; which lay so close unto my spirit, that it was easy for me to see how righteous it was with God to cut off the thread of my life and cast me out of His presense forever.  Yet the Lord still showed mercy to me, and upheld me; and as he wounded me with one hand, so he healed me with the other."

My carelessness with my relationships has cost me much.  I do not know the full cost.  I am not willing to find out how much more it will cost me.  I must give up my need to control others feelings, and spiritual lives.  It is not my destiny to control others, but rather to exercise patience, compassion, and mercy.  I need not be frustrated when people do not listen.  I will instead Study to show myself approved (2 Timothy 2:15) and speak kindness and love (Ephesians 4:20-32).  It is time to put asside the distain I have for the opinions of others (and love them even if I cannot accept their worship practices and have the same faith that they have).  I must begin with Prayer and initiate the spiritual battle.  No more of the same thinking.  It is time for a solution........

It is time to reap the reward and fullness of following Christ and loving like he does.  Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth. Let us love as Christ loved us and kindly bestow his understanding in ALL circumstances. Our memory verse for Mondays says it best.  Sanctify them by your word, your word is TRUTH" (John 17:17)  God's Word (the Bible) shows us truth.  I will spend time in it daily, and I will talk to God.  But most importantly I will listen and act with the right motive....doing nothng in a manner of self promotion.

I will end with this passage from the words of Paul to the Philippians:

If you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any fellowship with the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, ² then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and purpose. ³ Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. ⁴ Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others. ⁵ Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus
--Philippians 2:1-5

To Raising the White Flag toward God,

Joeyb

Bronx Week 1: Clearview Baptist Church

Had I the words for this week...I would write/type them here.  Fortuantely for those who are interested in words, I can provide them.

It is about 4 hours since they left, and I already miss my children.  We were extremely blessed to have all the students here from Clearview.  They all expressed selflessness, keen awarneess, and vivaciousness.  They are most wonderful and lived up to all the hype that was put around them, in fact; they went far beyond all expectations.  This week was an exercise in flexibility and getting out of comfort zones for all the team and me.  I must be growing in that, because one of the teens told me that he respected that others opinions of me didnt seemed to affect my worldview.  I was surely streached this week.

After their late Sunday arrival, things just kept going uphill.  We went to World Vision and sorted clothes and comic books, served the homeless in the Living Room, and helped at Manhattan Bible Church in the food pantry. For the first four afternoons we did club at the park across from the Appartment and enjoyed they company of many children.

The teens produced puppets, sang songs, and spoke Scripture to the kids that showed up everyday.  We made adjustments on the fly and made sure all things were for the kids' benefit to help them focus. For instnstance one of my interns was blessed with the ability too improv games and just drew upon experience that I didnt expect, which was good, because I am still developing those skills.  She also made so many successful suggestions to make things better.  (Boy am I learning that I don't know everything.....shhh don't tell anyone).

Speaking of, I could not have done this without my interns, They are sooooo amazing.   Wa all balance each other and make a wonderous team.  God really does know what he is doing.  They all did amazingly in telling the Bible Stories, remembering all the essential details, tying in verses and main thrusts, and integrating the Chemical Cross.  I mean I know they arent mine, especially one now, but I still claim them.

The biggest blessing of the clubs was the 12 children that accepted Christ.  At least I think it was twelve.  I might need to recount.  I spent the 15 minutes before each club praying for the kids, the minimazation of distractions, and God to work in the hearts of the children (plus whatever else came to mind).  I just emptied my all and allowed God to work...just need to work on that for myself.  The teens would talk about how they were amazed that God could use them and how receptive both children and parents were to the messages that we brought.  They mentioned this nightly and hopefully they continue to take that message with them wherever they go.  I know that one of the girls will because after she left she texted me this:

Well, those kids touched me.  I didnt wanna leave; it just felt amazing helping them to come to the Lord.  It was just amazing.

I can't put it into better words.  So I am gonna quit trying.


Joeyb

First Testing...

So yesterday was the first day that I ran into a test of my foundational beliefs and my fundamental standards, the ones that I am trying to adjust and may more in line with God's plan.  Situations and conversations lead to a thought process and emotional reaction that caused a little bit of dissension.

Most people know that I am not really fan of modern "music" and find some beats of music to be offensive to God, even with "Christian lyrics".  In a discussion yesterday, I thought I calmly defended my stance, but as I was provoked and forced to think more....I began to increase my tone, and was told that I was on the offense.  I NEVER mean to offend, but I seemed to have, because I could see the "shock" in the eyes and expressions of one of my co-workers and friends.

I know the Bible says that we must NOT "have anything to do with foolish and stupid arguments, because you know they produce quarrels. And the Lord’s servant must not quarrel; instead, he must be kind to everyone, able to teach, not resentful,"  but I know that I needed to defend my fundamental beliefs.

Well, at least that is what I thought.  Really, I was not wrong, and she was not mostly wrong either, but I had caused dissension and trouble.  I talked to one of my adult friends after this situation occurred, but in my heart I really wanted to apologize, but doing so  makes me feel like a failure.  Therefore, it took me much too long to do it. I wanted to approach all the girls, at one time, and let them know what causes me to do that.

I have a guarded attitude and policy with my life.  I am a realist, I know things will happen, both bad and good, but I want to make sure that EVERY activity I do pleases God, and will NOT in the slightest risk doing something that will cause me to stumble:  I won't drink (in the sense of alcohol), I will never smoke, I disdain dancing and what it may lead to, and I really find certain activities distasteful.  I am a perfectionist that desires to "Do well, and excel"--my life mantra.

I defend fiercely my positions, and I tend to make sure people know my thoughts on particular items.  Just today I have been told that I "troll" (no ideal if that is spelled correctly:   look it up)  I guess I seem to be much stronger in my arguments and debates.  Now, I always thought that I was defending my faith and God's truth.  Most of what I believe is based in Scriptural tradition and the expectations of having your body as the temple of the Holy Spirit.

Anyway, I certainly offended and caused problems by the silent treatment I issued next.  Well, it was probably worse for me.  Cause I kinda didn't really talk about what was going on inside.  I was ripping myself apart...I was battling inside...well, more like a spiritual battle was ensuing.  Most reading of my past posts will reveal my plan, and this was Satan's first attack of worthlessness.  I never found a time that night to rectify and reconcile with my female co-workers.

Since, I didn't get to confess to them that I was incorrect in my methods of expressing myself, I didn't get much sleep.  I wasn't tired, I wasn't ready to sleep; in fact I couldn't sleep at all.  Instead I read a book.  We were supposed to read two chapters of this book for our job, but I decided to read it since it really applied to my current situation and battle.  Wowowowowow.

I got 11 chapters done (of 13) before I fell asleep around 230ish, and it really applied much more that I thought it would. Most people know that I am a skeptic (especially of pyschos, socios, and anthros---that is ologists).  I feel most of what they do, as a whole, is unnecessary.  Well, that knowledgeable and fact-based opinion might possibly be changing...once I evaluated this for truth. The book is  called The Search for Significance by Robert S. McGee. and he has a website if you wanna check it out. : http://www.mcgeepublishing.com/video/significance/Broadband/Search.html.  

I spent the night considering what I should tell the girls and what confessions I would have.  I needed to tell all the truth, but I have never liked admitting to faults. SMH.  But I know I needed to do it. So, once I finally got them together...I finally explained myself.  I was overwhelmed by their understanding and comfort.  One of the girls genuinely thanked me for my straightforwardness.  It was quite refreshing.  It felt amazing!...I am compelled to do it more often.

So take that Satan...step 1 of transformation on the way to completeness :)

Joeyb

I Laugh(ed) at Change

They say you can't teach an old dog new tricks.  I am not sure who this THEY is, or why exactly they believe they have the authority to declare this.  BUT it seems that this time this group might be wrong.  I am on a tear...I am learning so many things about myself, but I do not want to do a premature evaluation.

I just want to start by publicly praising God for helping me to initiate this process, and bringing others into my life to help me to see that I needed this shift.  I have always (well in the past 7 years) known that I am an ISTJ personality.  Sadly due to my Judging nature, I was not the man I was meant to be.  I tried to change myself into what I believed God had for me.



I feel that so strongly that I must retake a personality test, without trying to answer what I "think" (the T-part) I should be, but rather what I really am.  I must work to increase my sensing ability and open myself to the will of God.

Today we talked about devotions and quiet time with God.  I realize that I do most of the talking and not much hearing.  James 1:22 tells me that this is wrong: 

But be ye doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving your own selves.

I have been deceiving myself and not bringing my petitions to God with the right motives.  Rather I knew what I wanted and asked Him for it.  It is high time that changes.  No more laughing and manipulating to get my way anymore.  It never really works out anyway...but I never give up.

It seems that my passion is not focused on the right area of life.  Passion should be for God, God's Son, God's Spirit, and God's will for my life.   I really want it  somethings...but I guess God knows his timing better than I.  WAIT....I should KNOW that.

I must get serious about this...I need to remove my monopoly on my life and abdicate.  He made me for a purpose and it is past time for me to start. My question should be:  What does God have in store for me, and what do I need to do to follow Him?  I must trust and obey...then I will not have to be like Sarah.  [she laughed when the angel of the Lord foretold Isaac's birth]  Instead I can allow the wonderful maker to mold me and make me what he wants me to be.

I must not deceive myself, or believe that I know all that is right for me.  So, I guess I am still learning, but this old dog will not give up.

To Joy and Fullness in Following Christ,

Joeyb

The Unknown

I am unsure what to write, except that I have to type something here.  My interns came today, well one arrived last night.  I know they will be awesome, because God chose them to be here in the Bronx with me. 

It is just that I am not feeling ready for this...to train them and all. As flexible as I am, I just am having doubts.  I realize now that this dream of mine is about to take place.  The part where I actually have to proactively trust God to guide me through this.  The unknown of what comes next is getting to me.

Yes I know that we are not supposed to worry (Matthew 6), and that in reality we all do it (sadly).  This is my time to fulfill my promises that I have made in my first blog posts, and all I can think about is the unknown.  The what lies beyond...

But, you know what.  I am DONE with this overthinking thing...it is no longer going to have its day with me...it messes things up.

Instead of asking my critical questions that analyze what could be, what might be, and what just may perhaps occur.  I am going to ask probing questions, in order to plan. Questions of myself and NOT about the future, NOT of how to prepare myself, but of how God WILL use me.  The toil and toll of the work of the Lord is nothing to worry about because God will take care of me.  I do NOT have to fear the unknown; I must fearlessly face the future. 

This doesn't just apply to this summer, but to all life.  That girl I like, that job I want, that car I desire, that whatever:  these are things I should daily talk with God about and leave in His hands.  I do not have to be dismayed if things do NOT go MY way, especially when they go God's way.  For His way is the best way, even if I cannot see it.

But for this summer I am going to put myself in God's hands.  I am going to find His glory in ALL I do and make him my only hope for all the times beyond this moment.  So what if this summer is unknown, who cares if I am sleeping in the Bronx, what if I will be in a wreak tomorrow?  That should not concern me.

Let this be my prayer:

 
God, direct my thinking today so that it be divorced of self pity, dishonesty, self-will, self-seeking, and FEAR. God inspire my thinking, decisions, and intuitions. Help me to relax and take it easy. Free me from doubt and indecision. Guide me through this day and show me my next step. God give me what I need to take care of any problems. I ask all these things that I may be of maximum service to you and my fellow man in the name of the Your Son, Jesus, I pray. AMEN

 In this I will not focus on myself, but rather what God desires for me.  It will not be that feeling of worry, but rather waiting for what God's goodness and mercy will be for me.  David, the man after God's own heart, knew that God would be his guide.  As an example of God, I must do that as well and follow his lead.

Tomorrow is a new day to trust God, to reveal God to others through my faith.  I must serve my fellow missionaries with the same tenacity and proactiveness as I plan to follow God's direction.  Really it is time for me to FROG (Fully Rely On God).   For in him is the freedom to have joy and purpose and "life to the full."  To do this I must seek his face through prayer and personal devotion.

To being faithful and trusting in spite of the unknown,

Joeyb



Finding the NEW Normal: Without Fear

It is often said that normal is just a setting on the dryer--at least that is what psychologists want you to believe.  In reality, there is normal.  Normal used to be called common sense:  it used to be called morality, ethics, values, and beliefs.  Now sociologists have tried to redefine normal and have tried to say what was common is not as relevant as what is different. 

I am not saying that different is wrong and that we should disregard differences nor insinuating that we must remove all things that are "wrong" with another person or group.  Rather I am saying that people rarely bond over what is different, in fact they usually gather because of similarities.  I know that a certain comfort comes from what we as a society define as normal.  I am most certainly comfortable at home, in the middle of the country in Perry County, PA.  I know that I love listening to the real music of the animals and people and seeing the greenery in the fields all around, but I sit here in the Bronx in an apartment surrounded by pavement and sirens.  Why?  Because it is the normal that God has for me.

Normal needs to be what God has for us, but he has the same thing in mind for use all. Jesus lived it for us as an example.  He loved his Father and he loved others as he loved himself, and most importantly he OBEYED and YIELDED to God's direction.  In doing so Christ became “You are my [God's] Son, whom I love; with you I am well pleased.” (Mark 1:11).  What is interesting is that God said this just as Jesus was beginning his ministry; this was not said at the end, after everything was accomplished and Jesus rose from the dead (1 Corinthians 15:3-4).

This means that God has already prepared us to do what He desires us to do.  Our normal, once we begin to follow him should become God's normal (and the basic foundation should be common to us all...but that is another soapbox post).  Knowing that we should be able to go forth without fear, but instead we disregard that normal and focus on something else, most often our insecurities.



At least I know that is the thing I most certainly fall back on.  I don't go forward because I do NOT see a clear plan for me.  I forget to pray because I am NOT sure that I want God to do the things he wants.  I like where I am, I like the life of rules, traditions, and values that are most important to me.  I like my common sense that I get from every day living.  I do NOT want to give up MY normal, the normal that I long-established for myself. (as if 20 years is really a long time) 

I said in my last post that I am a contradiction in terms:  I was close with this assessment.  Allow me to be more direct.  I am a fraud...well kinda.  What is a fraud is what I have become, not really what I am.  I have become the analyzer of all things: I can tell you what I don't like, I can tell you why something is worthless, I can tell you the negatives, I can tell you reasons that you should not do something.  Best of all, I can give negative reinforcement that I believe to be positive. (insert sarcasm)  My happiness depends on the dreams stuck in my head.  Why I do this, I do not know, but it is not who I am.

I am really a positive person.  I enjoy things and can have fun, but for too long I have suffered by hiding my emotion and burying myself in "busyness" so that I can make invisible what I hold near and dear to me. (This was due to my hyperactive anger, that as a Child I suppressed...except when I was bigger than my siblings) Sure my positives leak out, and those who REALLY know me, know that.  I want everyone to know who I really am. I want to be genuine, I want to enliven my faith in God, I want to know him better, I want to believe that I can trust him to lead me and the I follow him.  I want to believe in myself.  With God's help I should do this...NO, I  WILL.  As a picture/ background I have says, "Stop saying I wish, and Start saying I will."

Right now, I will define a new normal, Me and God (shhhh...I know that is wrong)  will have to take care of things, so that God and I can get on track.  To anyone out there I have wronged, please contact me and we will make things right too.  I have to get my normal to God's normal and those two aforementioned steps take place after I do it for myself.  It is time to let others care for me too, not to just bear my burdens alone.  I will begin with this goal in mind (*shudders*--personal goal setting):

"Prudence, indeed, will dictate that Governments long established should not be changed for light and transient causes; and accordingly all experience hath shewn, that mankind are more disposed to suffer, while evils are sufferable, than to right themselves by abolishing the forms to which they are accustomed. But when a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same Object evinces a design to reduce them under absolute Despotism, it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off such Government, and to provide new Guards for their future security."

This shall be my goal:  rather than suffering with my present normal it is time to be who I am.  So that people will know who my God is, so that I can live my faith, so that I can live BY faith, so that I can live in God's will, and so that I can be a happy, jovial, free person.  It is past time that I succeed, but not of my own, but of God so that as John the Baptist said, "He must become greater and I must become less."

I know I will need encouragement and prayers, but with new directions that is always the case.  I know that my attitude will be more positive and that I can and will be successful in this endeavour, yet I am needing to do this and reduce my fear at the same time.  It is time for this shell to be broken, it is time for me to be a "city on a hill," It is time for me to be happy, to be what God wants me to be, it is time for redeeming time and time to experience rebirth.

I have hatched a semblance this plan many times before and just laid and egg, I never took the action needed to finish the plan and never made goals to complete it.  If only I had turned it over to God, I would be done already, and Satan would be fearing me not me fearing what I can be.  It is time for this hatched plan to develop and create new life, I need NOT get frustrated; instead I need to get focused and become successful.  It is time to be beautiful It is time to be satisfied in God.

I always thought that getting to know God better was by just doing what he said, but I forgot the right motives.  Yes that is common sense, but I keep forgetting.  I do not need to define these motives, if I look to God for them, if he is guiding and I am following them.  I am going to get unstuck, and move on.  I am going to dream, I am going to believe.  I am going to give it to God, because he knows what is best for me.

I just thought of this verse, and find it a fitting ending to this post.

"Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid."  --Jesus

Onward to the new normal,

Joeyb

Welcome To The Newness

Most first blogs tell about a purpose, idea, and goal behind the blog or introduce the write(s). Some people call this the reasoning, but I seem to have been reasoning and logically defining my arguments for my entire life.  It is time for that to shift from my primary focus...

This blog will be focus on a variety of thoughts (whether coherant or not) and will be random yet direct.  I many things that have been a part of my life that I want to change.  I have always listened when people gave me advise, however I often use a very free interpretations.  I am a contradiction in terms.

Paul says that he was everything to all types of people; I dreamed to be that too, but I just used it to be likeable.  Instead of being flexible like I said I was, I am rigid-I am conservative.   I want things to stay the same, I want them to always remain; I am a realist, I am an idealist; I am old-school, I am new-fangled (with technology)... 



One thing I am is consistent...If you knew me ten years ago, you pretty much know me today.  I love Ronald Reagan, I love the Founding Fathers, and have a distant for modern social theory.  I still listen to Chopin, I know Mozart helps me study, and this new stuff that society labels music...please turn it off. (oops...off the soapbox)  I still go to church every Sunday, I can't miss. EVER.  I am an overt moralist, I say what I think (sometimes too fast), I speak my mind, I wear my defensive emotions on my sleeve, but I hide my emotions.  I trust everyone,  I still play chess...


Chess meaning that I think a lot, waaaaay too much.  I can analyze and tell you what I my opinion is within 20 seconds (or less).  I overanalyze what decision I made, and make sure that every detail is covered. Why? Because I care what everyone thinks about me, because I am inflexible, because I know that my way is the only way, and the right way.  Because the is just how it is. 


                                                   -- OR --



That is just what I told myself. I have come to realize that I have manipulated myself for so long, I am not really sure what I think, how I believe, or what motivates me.  (and don't get me started with how I try to get my way...)

I keep telling myself that I can go with the flow, that I can love others for what they bring to the table, and that I can express myself.  That I can make a change.  But I am in a comfort zone...I hate where I am, but since I am not proactive enough to change it, it stays the same.  I change for a while and revert.  I am the same as I was 10 years ago...




For God to use me, this must change, I must NOT be fearful. As Paul told Timothy "For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind. "  I am afraid of what He will do if I let Him work.  It is high time I start.  Paul needed prayer for that (Eph. 6:20-21)...and I do too. 

This time it is for real. Thanks to the encouagement of my friends and God useing them, I am going to let down my guard, I am going to free myself, I am going to give God the real control that he should have so that I can have peace.  So the when I pray I am not feeling glum afterward, so that I can focus on the needs of others and just not my need to be safe.  I must become myself and who I am...


I posted this on my about me 5 years ago on  Facebook:
"Does anyone really know who I am? (maybe...) How could I know...
Try Stopping me from remaining myself...if only I could reveal my true self.....and who does that right? :/

Sometimes I think I don't really know exactly what I am thinking, when I am thinking I know exactly what I am thinking. (Does that make any sense?)"








It is time to be ferociously fearless: ______________ (long pause)  I really mean it this time.  I need encouragement and prayer, but with God's help and yours I will be successful.  Not because of what I do, but what Jesus does through the Holy Spirit for "He must become greater and I must become less..." 

To end take a listen to why I must change:  (this gets me every time)

I want to live... I want to be proactive!   IT IS HIGH TIME TO BECOME FEARLESS!!! 



It begins Tomorrow Morning when I Go to The Bronx with Priority1Ministries...


To the future that comes one day at a time,

Joeyb



P.S. --If it seems like I beat around the bush, and a bit long-winded --well, I am working on that too. :)