This blog will be focus on a variety of thoughts (whether coherant or not) and will be random yet direct. I many things that have been a part of my life that I want to change. I have always listened when people gave me advise, however I often use a very free interpretations. I am a contradiction in terms.
Paul says that he was everything to all types of people; I dreamed to be that too, but I just used it to be likeable. Instead of being flexible like I said I was, I am rigid-I am conservative. I want things to stay the same, I want them to always remain; I am a realist, I am an idealist; I am old-school, I am new-fangled (with technology)...
One thing I am is consistent...If you knew me ten years ago, you pretty much know me today. I love Ronald Reagan, I love the Founding Fathers, and have a distant for modern social theory. I still listen to Chopin, I know Mozart helps me study, and this new stuff that society labels music...please turn it off. (oops...off the soapbox) I still go to church every Sunday, I can't miss. EVER. I am an overt moralist, I say what I think (sometimes too fast), I speak my mind, I wear my defensive emotions on my sleeve, but I hide my emotions. I trust everyone, I still play chess...
Chess meaning that I think a lot, waaaaay too much. I can analyze and tell you what I my opinion is within 20 seconds (or less). I overanalyze what decision I made, and make sure that every detail is covered. Why? Because I care what everyone thinks about me, because I am inflexible, because I know that my way is the only way, and the right way. Because the is just how it is.
-- OR --
That is just what I told myself. I have come to realize that I have manipulated myself for so long, I am not really sure what I think, how I believe, or what motivates me. (and don't get me started with how I try to get my way...)
I keep telling myself that I can go with the flow, that I can love others for what they bring to the table, and that I can express myself. That I can make a change. But I am in a comfort zone...I hate where I am, but since I am not proactive enough to change it, it stays the same. I change for a while and revert. I am the same as I was 10 years ago...
For God to use me, this must change, I must NOT be fearful. As Paul told Timothy "For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind. " I am afraid of what He will do if I let Him work. It is high time I start. Paul needed prayer for that (Eph. 6:20-21)...and I do too.
This time it is for real. Thanks to the encouagement of my friends and God useing them, I am going to let down my guard, I am going to free myself, I am going to give God the real control that he should have so that I can have peace. So the when I pray I am not feeling glum afterward, so that I can focus on the needs of others and just not my need to be safe. I must become myself and who I am...
I posted this on my about me 5 years ago on Facebook:
"Does anyone really know who I am? (maybe...) How could I know...
Try Stopping me from remaining myself...if only I could reveal my true self.....and who does that right? :/
Sometimes I think I don't really know exactly what I am thinking, when I am thinking I know exactly what I am thinking. (Does that make any sense?)"
It is time to be ferociously fearless: ______________ (long pause) I really mean it this time. I need encouragement and prayer, but with God's help and yours I will be successful. Not because of what I do, but what Jesus does through the Holy Spirit for "He must become greater and I must become less..."
To end take a listen to why I must change: (this gets me every time)
I want to live... I want to be proactive! IT IS HIGH TIME TO BECOME FEARLESS!!!
It begins Tomorrow Morning when I Go to The Bronx with Priority1Ministries...
To the future that comes one day at a time,
Joeyb
P.S. --If it seems like I beat around the bush, and a bit long-winded --well, I am working on that too. :)
No comments:
Post a Comment