God, direct my thinking today so that it be divorced of self pity, dishonesty, self-will, self-seeking, and FEAR. God inspire my thinking, decisions, and intuitions. Help me to relax and take it easy. Free me from doubt and indecision. Guide me through this day and show me my next step. God give me what I need to take care of any problems. I ask all these things that I may be of maximum service to you and my fellow man in the name of the Your Son, Jesus, I pray. AMEN
Facebook Memories can be enjoyable to reflect upon and are often nice to see. They share where we were, what we were thinking, and how we were doing (mentally, spiritually, physically, etc.) during a certain cycle of life, had we chosen to post about it. Sometimes, however, these memories cause more than a brief pause; instead they initiate more intensive reflection. Thus was the case when I opened the "On This Day" link yesterday....
I am not sure if I was quoting this, or if it is a rephrasing of a famous prayer (a cursory Google search didn't reveal much), but I know it challenged me to think about my recent postings and current situation. I also recall that this was posted just before I officially began my summer training the interns in the Bronx for Priority One, right after completing graduate school. After the summer, I didn't have a job, I hadn't any major plans (outside of finding a job after my missions trip to Haiti), and I did not know where God was leading. If this sounds like a similar scenario to what I described in my last post, then you are tracking with me. I was about to embark on a new part of a journey I had been on 4 years prior; just I was fulfilling a leadership role.
A brief overview of the prayer indicates that I was having a problem with wanting to be in control, to be the one that was right, and to be confident in my own abilities. These may not sound all bad, but prioritizing these things (being addicted to them) makes them a Giant and idols ahead of God. Apparently, these giant have again began to twitch and attempt to seize control of a portion of my life (specifically the part concerning the future). I'll admit this, because asking for the prayerful support of overcoming this season of life begins with allowing others to help me "bear" my "burdens" (Galatians 6:2-3) The prayer also petitions the Holy Spirit for Guidance in all areas of life and the direction for "maximum service" in honor of God. This is something I surely need again, especially in light of recent events.
Before I left for NC, I was for the most part, fulfilling my desire to have maximum service (at least objectively). I was a Sunday School teacher, the missions committee Chairman, leader of the ministry to the nursing home, prayer chain member, and sometime solo-singer in addition to setting up the adult SS class chairs and other small, unnoticed acts of duty and service. I certainly could have dedicated more time in the preparation of those roles, but I was doing what I thought best to fulfill my obligation to God and the church. Yes, it was service, but I am not sure it was always God-inspired. However, when I left, I surely allowed my spiritual disciplines (means of grace to Wesley) to weaken, especially in the areas of personal growth and reliance on God. I did my devotions (sporadically), I prayed for God's help (compulsorily), and went to church. It wasn't like I waned in my faith that God would act according to His good will, I had just been lax in my part of the commitment. I considered it at times, but was not very constructive with attempting to change my complacency and turn it back to the full trust in the direction of God. I sought comfort in other things and in knowing that I should be able to find a job (I mean I have a MEd, know many things, and there are open positions...who wouldn't hire me [oops]) My solace and peace were not in God, but I did relax and take it too easy.
Recently, I have had some conversations with my very close friends, and sermons from church, that led me to consider my dire straights. I considered their thoughts and saw some things that would revive my desires and increase my willingness to left God lead and take back the control of my direction. The biggest catalyst was my best friend here was getting ready to transition to a new city, and we began to run together some (in part to get ready for a 5k--which I finally medaled in!!). Spending time together became more precious to me, since distance would prevent the more common occurrence-which got me thinking even more deeply. Our last run was on a particularly hot and rather humid Friday, where we actually paced more slowly. In conversation, she mentioned slowing down and running for endurance and not just for timed completion. It only struck me a few days later how the didn't just apply physically, but also spiritually. In part, it was due to reflecting on the day, but my thought on it deepened due to the Sunday School lesson and sermon. I realized that my currently situation is not my last, but if I remained complacent, it would last much too long. (The initial spark was probably from a phone call from my grandfather two mornings before.) It is the fruit that truly matters, but to grow to maturity, it must receive nutrients. It reminded me of two sections of verses 1 Corinthians 9:24-27 and Hebrews 12:1b.
Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize. 25 Everyone who competes in the games goes into strict training. They do it to get a crown that will not last, but we do it to get a crown that will last forever. 26 Therefore I do not run like a man running aimlessly; I do not fight like a man beating the air. 27 No, I beat my body and make it my slave so that after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified for the prize.
And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us
According to these verses action must be taken to gain the rewards God has in store for those who desire to follow Him. If we want to be a significant impact on others and further the kingdom of God, we must have strict discipline-we must complete our training to the fullest. For me, this means to "run in such a way" as to receive the prize must take a new direction. The way I do it must be improved, I am still evaluating some things to make this happen, but I have reached some conclusions. In addition to events previously mentioned, I have been taking a greater role in my current church (sporadically leading songs and prayers--when asked), but may be asked to do more. {Our current pastor is leaving in about a month, and we have yet to have a candidate that responds. If we do not get a full-time shepherd, we will be given a supply minister, meaning that we will have only a Sunday morning preacher, but he will fill no other roles. Sunday evening, I was informed that my name has been considered as someone to take over the duties of bringing the message for the evening service, if and only if, this happens...} I am unsure of God's full plan, but since this prayer popped up, I will surely be using it more often.
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I understand that my audience is small, but I am about to declare some plans that need some prayer warriors and those willing to support me to consider adding my petitions to their consideration, because in fellowship, we must not go alone. I need people to keep me accountable for my actions. Primarily, I need to get back on the right path spiritually, I have followed some rabbit trails and searched for new avenues, but have not sought God before I ventured forth. I neglected to hear and listen to the voice of the Counselor in choosing my next steps, so I surely must do this while returning to strict training. I pursued my own goals and tried to fix the problems I caused, and again it has not been successful. These changes will only successful with the adherence to God's Word and to the direction of the Holy Spirit. I want to return to the ways of the first believers in Acts 2:42-47 and believe that it is possible. I must Fully Rely on God while this all takes place. Less importantly, but a physical and mental discipline that will help me maintain spiritual patterns, is a commitment to actually running/training. Last Friday, we were pushed to endurance limits, by running until it wasn't possible to go further; yesterday, I found a loop to run that is about 4 miles, with chances to run further later, that I ran in 38 minutes (just before it poured rain). I want to be consistent in my running (before work and after devotions) and maybe more exercise, but for now I just want to built my endurance, improve my distance, and not run within limits. These are my goals.
Were I able to come to this realizations sooner, I could have avoided some disappointments, but now is the time to apply the learning, so that I can get some rest during this time as well. There are things I must accomplish, tasks I have to complete, and directions I need to follow, but I must pray this prayer above so that I know I am doing right. I may declare my plans, but it must be God who reveals the way I should go. I need to "run in such a way" that trials are not hardships and temptations and doubts do NOT become sins and problems I need the wisdom and endurance to make it, and I know that God provides that when I ask (James 1). Going forward, I must not allow these weak giants from preventing my maximum service to God. In my search for significance, I cannot try to be in control and demand success my way. To receive God's blessings, I cannot just feed on the milk of his word, I must mature and run with perseverance in such a way that pleases God. No more side quests, I need to search for God, know him, honor and fear him, and decide to follow where he leads. Clearly, in this world of self-centeredness, this is not easy, but for me, it is a necessity, now more than ever. I cannot let recent disappointments keep me from receiving/following God' plan. Now is the best time.
Consider for yourself, see where you find your relationship with God. Is it where it should be? Is it less than it could be? Maybe your life is filled with means of grace, but not with the full mercy and grace for others. Evaluate carefully if you are running with endurance or just sprinting toward the goal. We must train to receive the prize and do as God desires. Take it one step at a time; just because you think you are where you need to be, does not mean that you are. It was difficult for me to realize and especially to admit, but don't give up. God is faithful to all his promises and loving toward all he has made (which includes all y'all)..Just do it (Ya Gotta Wanna).
I was gonna post this later today, but not sleeping well, sometimes makes you blog... thanks for sticking with me. God bless you on your new discoveries!
Joeyb
