"Don't make me strong - I wanna be weak
God break the heart - that beats in me
it's been too long - by my own strength
I try to make it right - but I keep failing
Break me down
it's when I'm weak that
I know you're strong
Break me down
it's when I'm weak that
I know you're strong
don't make me strong - i wanna be weak
make me a servant - instead of a king
oh my hardened heart - why can't you see
in your brokenness - His strength is perfect
I will boast when I am weak
So Jesus' power may rest on me
Listen to a cover:
This song returns me to my time as a Cell Group Leader of Mclaugle Men's Cell Group as part of Christian Fellowship at Shippensburg University. It was a wonderful year with many special discoveries, both spiritual and communal. Of all the discoveries, one of the main ideas that kept popping up was that of having the right attitude defines motives, thoughts, patterns, and actions. It was something we mentioned almost every week. We would discuss it, delve into the details, and I would even do chalk talks on it (well give examples on the board. It was beneficial to all of us, at least for those who really took it to heart.
Often I would learn something, yet despite my well-kept recordings of the cell group meetings, most things I would push aside, because I knew everything and my path in life. Although I thought I had all of me in God that certainly was not the case, as I grew to know Him better. All of God should have been enough for me, but I certainly did not rely on God as much as I thought I did. I especially did not Fully Rely on God to help me in my growth. Surely, I had trusted Him with my life when I was younger and sheltered from much of the world, and perhaps I let the Holy Spirit guide me most of the time, but it certainly was not all the time.
One of my "chalk talks" (those times that I fleshed out my thoughts through drawing pictures and writing on the chalkboard.) was about how our spiritual lives grow as we mature and how God must be invited to fill the space created by our spiritual expansion. This can only happens as he fills us in each successive stage, much like the electron shells of an atom. IF He is not allowed to fill that stage with his spirit, we can become stagnant in our personal growth and our connection to God will be weakened. My experience has shown me that this has also been true with me, except I added a filler from Satan, and that was "humble pride". I had known that sharing Christ was my strength from my days working with Child Evangelism Fellowship, but last summer God showed me that I had moved from him.
It was with this song he first showed me, and brought me back on the righteous path, but it was only for a while, after I had entered the new stage of spiritual growth. I did not fully trust God to run the newly developed area of my life, although he created it. It may also have been an area that plagued me before, that I thought was under His control, that I took back into my own finite hands. I did not trust the infinite wisdom of God, despite his greatness and omniscience. I decided to take the lofts and prideful approach to witnessing and sharing my testimony, not integrating with those I suspected to be "rabble" or "insignificant" to my cause. My attitude was all wrong...
That is when the summer hit, and boom God showed me where was wrong. I confessed most of the things I had been doing, but He is still working on me. This song came to me again, and I realized that my surrender this summer had not yet reached its fullest potential and that my resolutions were pointing me to change my attitude. One of my friends has been chatting with me a lot recently, and I have begun to see the change as positive. My weaknesses are his strengths. The Holy Spirit will be my guide from now on, my actions to people will not be visceral when I feel God is offended. I must trust that God is in control of it all; I must not be controlling my attitude from personal offense, especially if it is unwarranted. I think that my close friends are really seeing a difference in me.
I used to think failure was for those who weren't good enough, and that I would try my hardest never to fail, because I would be weak. My NEW attitude will show that if I fail, I will let God control what I do next, where I go, how I react, and when I either move forward or try harder. That will certainly be hard for someone as proud as me. Yet, with my goals and resolutions, that is most certainly possible. I also must learn to love myself and to believe that I have achieved something, even if I have not reached my goal. Each step should be at least a mini-celebration of the next step. Just like this realization is a victory over my negative attitudes that propelled me ever-forward. There is a God that has sent the Spirit to guide me, I must let Him.
I must abide in him, no matter the test he allows to be put before me. As I do this I will grow to know him better, and people will know that I follow God because he is a loving God. For my attitude is like His: one that gives, shares, cares, and provides comfort to those who need it. No more Mr. Nice Guy should be gone, he will be nurtured and fed with the Word of God, and the Council of His people. My heart will be softened and pliable in the hands of the Spirit and under the wings of God will I abide. Remembering that my weaknesses are the places the Lord will test the most to strengthen me for my next phase of growth. It is time for me to let go of my stubbornness and faithfully trust that God has a plan for my life and knows what is best for me (Jeremiah 29:11-13).
My prayer is that this example shows you a place God needs to work on you so that you can reach the next stage of growth and knowing Him more personally. While rules and regulations help and obeying them is required to show our love to Him, we must--we must, show the emotion of a proper attitude and lean on his strength, so that he can build us up, after we are broken down. Starting with the foundation, or where ever God shows you, let him remove the rubble/rabble and fill those areas with his strength, his power, and his love. That is what it means to let him Break you Down. Let us be an example to the world of Christ. :)
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